The ACT Communication Guide: Navigating Holiday and Political Conversations with Ease
The holiday season often brings us closer to family, friends, and colleagues. It can also stir up old memories, cherished traditions, and—let’s face it—occasional tension. Layer in the current political season, and you might feel the heat rising in your conversations before they even begin. We can try our best to avoid conversation with people who might be contentious, but there will be some conversations we have to have or simply find ourselves in the middle of without knowing how we got there. Knowing how to communicate effectively can be the difference between a harmonious gathering and an uncomfortable clash. So, with the holidays around the corner, consider this a gift from me to you.
Understanding the ACT Communication Guide: Accurate, Complete, Timely
The ACT Guide serves as a foundational principle for effective communication.
A - Accurate: Communicate as accurately as possible, using facts and clarity to ensure your message is both respectful and true to your intentions. Especially in conversations around politics or sensitive family matters, accuracy can prevent misunderstandings or assumptions that could quickly spiral into tension. Our goal is to provide the most accurate information I can. As the kids say, “bring the receipts.”
C - Complete: In contentious conversations, leaving things unsaid can sometimes lead to confusion or speculation. Being complete doesn’t mean oversharing; it means giving enough context to communicate fully. For instance, if a relative brings up a political viewpoint you don’t entirely agree with, a complete response might involve acknowledging their perspective while briefly sharing yours. This helps prevent the perception of shutting them down or oversimplifying your stance. Our goal is to give all the information required so that we don’t have to keep the conversation going unnecessarily.
T - Timely: Timing is everything. The holidays are already emotional, so if tensions are running high or people seem defensive, consider holding off on diving into certain topics. “Timely” also means being mindful of setting; some topics are better suited for private conversations rather than at the dinner table. If you decide to have the conversation, then do so in a way that does not prolong it. Say what you need to say as succinctly as possible.
By keeping these three elements in mind, you can take a proactive approach to communication, setting up a foundation that can mitigate miscommunications and keep conversations flowing smoothly.
Four Tips for Using ACT in Contentious Conversations
Here are four things to keep in mind when attempting to use ACT.
1. Keep Your Focus
In conversations that veer into political or sensitive territory, it’s easy to get distracted by unrelated comments or personal jabs. But try to stay focused on the main point of the conversation. Suppose a family member makes a comment about recent political events, and it veers into critique. Instead of defending every detail, consider responding to the central topic only, acknowledging their point while keeping your message on track. This approach can reduce the chance of escalation by keeping the conversation clear and grounded.
Example: If a relative brings up a polarizing political issue, try to listen actively and respond with something that keeps the focus on understanding, like, “I see where you’re coming from. It’s a complex issue, and I appreciate hearing your perspective.” This allows you to show respect without needing to go point-for-point.
2. Keep Your Cool
Emotions can run high during the holiday season, especially when discussing heated topics. Although it can be difficult, aim to keep your cool. Maintaining emotional control—even if others don’t—can help you avoid adding fuel to the fire. Practice deep breathing or pause briefly to collect your thoughts before responding. Remember, you don’t have to respond immediately; taking a moment can prevent heated exchanges and ensure you respond with thoughtfulness.
Example: If a comment strikes a nerve, remind yourself that staying calm will lead to a better outcome. Try saying, “That’s an interesting point,” and take a deep breath. This response acknowledges the comment without committing to a position or reacting defensively.
3. Keep It Cooperative, Courteous, and Respectful
Holidays are about togetherness, so frame your responses in ways that maintain harmony. Being cooperative means showing a willingness to listen and acknowledge others’ viewpoints, even if you don’t agree. Courteousness can be conveyed through small gestures: maintain eye contact, avoid interrupting, and acknowledge the other person’s feelings. Respect is foundational; approach each conversation with an assumption of good intent, even if the conversation becomes challenging.
Example: When a conversation becomes tense, consider using phrases like, “I respect that you feel strongly about this” or “We may not agree on everything, but I’m glad we can have this conversation.” These phrases reflect respect and a cooperative spirit without compromising your beliefs or inviting further conflict. As my mommy says, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it.”
4. Keep a Positive or Neutral Perspective
Avoid jumping to conclusions about someone’s intent, and try to maintain a perspective that keeps things light or curious rather than defensive. This mindset allows you to deflect tension gracefully and can set a peaceful tone that encourages open, honest dialogue.
Example: When faced with an opposing view, try saying, “It’s interesting to hear different opinions on this,” or “That’s something I hadn’t thought about before.” Statements like these show you’re engaged and curious without adding your opinion in a way that might create friction.
Wrapping It All Together: Making ACT Work for You
Now may your holidays be filled with conversations that make even contentious topics more manageable and, ideally, allows everyone to feel heard and respected. Keep in mind that some differences may never be fully bridged, but respectful communication can create understanding, which is often just as powerful. And who knows? You might leave each conversation with a deeper appreciation for the people around you, regardless of any disagreements.
About the Author
P. Nate O’Brien is a mental health counselor, part-time comedian, and full-time enthusiast of well-timed dad jokes. When he’s not helping people navigate tough conversations, he’s probably debating whether pineapple belongs on pizza (he’s still undecided). Known for blending wisdom with humor, Nate believes that effective communication is like a good holiday meal—best served with warmth, patience, and just the right amount of seasoning.
